Will You Smile? :-)
Fondness for a person cannot be fully explained sometimes. The reason i like a person may be attributed to several factors and could even be contradictory to my original belief. But at that moment in time, time stands still and i would have done anything just to see you smile.You do not see me.
For I am human, I need your reciprocation as some mark of receipt to feel wanted. A sign of insecurity you may say, but having been overlooked for prettier and slimmer counterparts and jeered for bodily magnitude when i was much younger made me apprehensive, wary and cynical. I looked at you looking at her and i wonder if she is perfect for you. You try to understand your emotions, you seek to be free but yet yearning to be tied. You are confused. You look around for your muse, someone who truly relates to you. I stand by your side. Yet i know i know, you do not see me.I did not even dare to look into your eyes.
For fear you will dissect me for the weak-willed person i am with your probing and intense gaze. See the insecurities in my eyes when i am trying my damn hardest to conceal it, discover the bits and pieces about me that are unpleasant. In short, i want to be good enough for you. I wanted to be the one you kissed so i may hold this memory close to my heart and allow my heart to ache in loveliness once in a while. But i could not bring myself to look straight at you.I want you.
For your melancholic expression, the way you smile, the way you think, the way you write, the way you wear the blue, the way you hugged me, the way your smell infused my senses, the way you walk, the way you ... are you.
In life we have to accept that not all goodwill will be remembered. Not all the concern you have for another party will necessarily be appreciated. Not all good feelings you feel for another person will be understood, or reciprocated.
And i used to think it matters a lot.
Not until i see you smile.
Then i know i am meant to let you go.
To let you soar.
Labels: Love, Musings, Relationship